WHOOPS........

Well, if former World Footballer of the Year George Weah was to ring you recommending his cousin - a Senegal international who had played for Paris St Germain - you would probably listen. Graeme Souness certainly did in 1996 when manager of Premier League Southampton and offered Ali Dia a one-month trial contract. But it wasn't George Weah who made the call and Ali Dia was far from being a good footballer. In fact he was hopeless. The Southampton players soon realised that in training but Souness wasn't around. He was due to play in a reserve friendly but he got away with that when the match was called off because of a waterlogged pitch. Amazingly he then found himself named as a sub for Southampton's home Premier League fixture against Leeds United on Saturday November 23rd 1996. And you can guess what happened next! In the 32nd minute England international Matthew Le Tissier was injured and on went Ali Dia in his place. And then everyone found out - he couldn't play football, he was hopeless! He lasted just 21 minutes before the substitute was himself substituted, probably the most embarrassing 21 minutes in the history of the Premier League. Le Tisser later described the performance -

‘His performance was almost comical. He kind of took my place, but he didn’t really have a position. He was just wondering everywhere. I don’t think he realised what position he was supposed to be in. I don’t even know if he spoke English – I don’t think I ever said a word to him. In the end he got himself subbed because he was that bad.'

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When Real Madrid beat Barcelona in April 2011 to win the Copa del Rey, the equivalent to our FA Cup, celebrations were in order. It was the first time they had won the competition since 1993 and was the first piece of silverware won by José Mourinho as manager of Real Madrid. So, an open-top bus trip was in order to show the cup off to the jubilant fans. All went well until defender Sergio Ramos dropped the cup...from the top of the double-decker bus onto the road...and the bus ran over it. Ouch!

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When an English Sunday League amateur side arranged a pre-season friendly in West Germany in 1973 they thought they were to play a side of a similar standing. In fact they had arranged to play Mainz, a senior professional side, who thought they were to play Wolverhampton Wanderers. The match, played on 15th August 1973, attracted a 'sizeable attendance'. The Germans didn't need a penalty shoot-out, they won 21-0!

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Two other Englishmen probably also wished that they had a German GCSE between them when they followed England to the 2006 World Cup finals in Germany. The non-German speakers carefully wrote down the street they had parked their car in before attending one of England's matches. Afterwards they couldn't find their car and were a little surprised at the comical expressions the locals gave when they showed then the piece of paper the road name was written on. Until someone translated it for them - 'one-way street'.

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The Football Supperters' Association fan zones or 'embassies' were a popular feature of the 2006 World Cup in Germany. One England fan left his ticketless girlfriend with one of them while he went to a match - but he forget to collect her after the match. Presumably ex-girlfriend would now be a better description!

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Spelling mistakes have always been a fact of life in programmes as they are in any printed publication. But the proof reader of the programme for First Division match between Fulham and Nottingham Forest at Craven Cottage in 1960 must have been particularly embarrassed by the mistake that was missed on the cover!

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When Middlesbrough played their first ever European competition match in September 2004 against Banik Ostrava fans must have wondered if Middlesbrough were 'going posh'. Printed on the tickets was "It is a condition of entry that gentlemen wear a jacket, collar and tie. Jeans, tracksuits and trainers are not permitted". It was another misprint - the wording should have been only used on tickets for the hospitality boxes but had been included on many of the tickets on general sale.

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Perhaps the most embarrassing misprint was in the Birmingham City club diary for 2007. Not having the fullest of trophy cabinets City fans discovered that the diary detailed club honours which included winning the European Cup, League championship and FA Cups. The diary had printed the honours of another club by mistake - but not just any other club but City's near neighbours and great rivals Aston Villa. Full Story.

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Another embarrassing Birmingham story dates from the Second World War when they had a stand destroyed. But not from enemy action, although St Andrews's was regularly hit by bombs during the blitz. In January 1942 the stand was an auxiliary fire station and a fireman who wanted to put out a brazier used for heating used what he thought was water - but it was petrol. Goodbye stand!

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The Selhurst Park faithful had a new chant at the start of the 2004/05 Premier League season - 'There's only one h in Palace'. Amazingly Diadora - Palace's shirt manufacturer - had supplied the club with a batch of shirts with a badge that had the club name printed as Chrystal Palace! They did well on ebay! 

It is more normal to 'drop the aitch' and that is what happened on the shirt that David Beckham wore at Wembley for the 1997 Charity Shield match against Chelsea. His name was spelt Beckam! Beckam - sorry Beckham - said 'I thought the lads were winding me up. Then I saw it for myself. It was too late to do anything about it, so we all had a laugh instead.'

Other 'wardrobe malfunctions' include David Bentley becoming Betnley when playing for Blackburn against Manchester United in November 2007 and John O'Shea becoming S'hea when playing for Manchester United against Real Madrid in a Champions League tie. So it only happens in low-profile matches then!

Spot the difference between the two Spurs players at the 1987 FA Cup Final against Coventry. Shirt sponsors pay a lot of money to have their name seen on TV at the high profile matches and for brewers Holsten there was no more high-profile match that a Wembley cup final. Kit suppliers Hummel supplied Spurs with new kit for the final but a manufacturing problem meant that the Holsten logo was missing from some of the shirts. The problem was discovered too late and with no plan B half the Spurs players played with Holsten on their shirt front and half had the name missing. Holsten were not amused! Spurs lost the match.

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In November 1999 The Times printed an exclusive about Liverpool wanting to sign Didier Baptiste, the left-back of Monaco and the French Under-21 side with a £3.5m bid being on the cards. They had picked up the 'exclusive' from the Liverpool Clubcall line who in turn had taken it from the News of the World. Bless 'em, none of them had checked the facts. Didier Baptiste only existed as a fictional character who played for Harchester United in Dream Team, a football-based soap on Sky TV. The Times had to make a correction and those newspapers who had not run the exclusive had their own - accurate - headlines. The Guardian reported 'Dream £3.5million Liverpool transfer for a player who doesn't exist' and the Independent 'Paper links Liverpool to player who doesn't exist.' I bet they loved it!
 

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Birmingham were on the wrong end of another embarrassment in the 1921/22 season when they didn't play in the FA Cup - they didn't get their entry in on time! Not that they are alone with several other League clubs also missing out on playing in the FA Cup for the same reason - Clapton Orient in 1906/07, QPR in 1927/28 and Nelson in 1928/29.

Brighton & Hove Albion did get their FA Cup entry in in the 1932/33 season but didn't tick the box that gave them exemption from the qualifying rounds. As a result rather than start the campaign in the 1st Round proper they started in the First Qualifying Round. Mind you, perhaps that mistake was a forgiveable one with the club scoring 32 goals in their four qualifying round matches (full results).

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When David Beckham attended the wedding of an Aston Villa supporter in April 2011 he made a fashion blunder which hit the national headlines. Flies undone? White socks? Evidence of breakfast on his tie? No, he wore his OBE medal on the wrong lapel of his suit! Now that's something I have never done and I bet you haven't either. The Muppet! (The wedding he ruined was between Prince William and Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey).

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Football commentators must often wish that they thought before speaking (Colemanballs) but even 'considered' opinions can backfire on them. When Match of the Day commentator Alan Hansen watched Manchester United lose their opening-day Premier League fixture 1-3 at Aston Villa on Saturday August 19th 1995 he said 'you'll never win anything with kids'. The kids in question included David Beckham, Paul Scholes, Nick Butt and Gary Neville and United went on to win a League and FA Cup double that season. And those words were immortalised on T Shirts, mugs, mouse mats.......

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Ron Atkinson's first match in his short spell in charge of Nottingham Forest was in January  1999 against Arsenal at the City Ground. He might well remember his warm welcome with some pleasure but that was then followed by an embarrassing moment - he went and sat in the Arsenal dug-out!

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In January 2009 when Bishop Auckland heard of the death of one of their former players, Tommy Farrer,  they did all the respectful things. Tributes was made in the club programme and local newspaper to a former player who had played in three Wembley FA Amateur Cup finals for the County Durham club as well as being capped for England at amateur level and playing for Great Britain at the 1956 Olympics. A minute's silence was also held before Bishops Northern League game against Newcastle Benfield.  It was only when a club official rang his 'widow' to pass on his condolences that they found out that Tommy was still very much alive and kicking at his home in Maidstone!

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The term 'Baby-Faced Assassin' is used in a complimentary way - we would probably think of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer in his days at Manchester United. The same sort of phrase is used abroad, which is fine if we all use the language we understand and try not to be too clever. A Mexican newspaper, The Record, did try to be too clever when one of their countrymen, Javier Hernandez, scored the winning goal for Manchester United against Valencia in a Champions League match in September 2010. Thinking they were converting the Spanish version of the phrase to the English version they called him a 'Baby Killer' instead - on the front page! I'm not sure if the 'Baby Killer' sued for libel!

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There was a bit of a diplomatic incident after the Czech Republic played a friendly in Prague in May 2008. The programme had the Latvian team picture with all the right names printed and the Latvian flag with all the right colours. There was a perfect rendition of the Latvian national anthem before the match. But they were playing Lithuania!

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Earl Spencer's daughter, Kitty Spencer, and a friend had tickets for the Easter Sunday fixture between Chelsea and Arsenal in March 2008. When the taxi arrived at the family pile at Althorpe House in Northamptonshire the sat-nav was set to Stamford Bridge, but not the one you would have expected. Instead of travelling south to one of the most famous grounds in the country in one of the largest cities in the world the taxi drove north to the small village of Stamford Bridge near York! You would have thought that two keen Chelsea fans would have noticed (Lady Kitty is a blonde) but the taxi firm took the blame. Paul Achiampong, the owner of Mayfair Taxis said 'Mistakes do happen now and again. But I admit this is a big one.' Yep!

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You would have thought that Michael Knighton would have been wary of people over-stretching themselves after his abandoned £20 million bid for Manchester United in 1989. He later bought Carlisle United but by 2001 the Cumbrians had hit hard times and looked to be heading out of the League. Knighton introduced the 'saviour' of the club at a press conference, Stephen Brown had agreed to buy a 25% stake in the club after selling a Spanish hotel for £6 million. Sadly it wasn't to be. The successful hotelier in fact worked in an Indian restaurant, lived in sheltered accommodation and drove an H reg Vauxhall Cavalier. Knighton said 'This man has caused horrendous embarrassment to me and this club. I have never been hoodwinked in my life.' Well, not until then anyway!

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When Northern League referee Russell Tiffin entered hospital for a vasectomy he thought it would be a quick in-and-out procedure. After the operation he made the mistake of inspecting the surgeons' handywork but on seeing some blood he fainted, hit his head on a basin and spent the next three days in hospital with concussion. And the publicity followed!

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Brighton v Nottingham Forest - Littlewoods Cup 2nd Round 1st leg match played at the Goldstone ground on Wednesday 24th September 1986. The team page is printed below - any ideas of the problem that arose?

Check the surnames. Stuart Pearce and the linesman RD Pearce - who were brothers. Stuart claimed that he had no idea that his brother Ray was running the line until he saw him as he ran out on the pitch. They kept quiet about the family connection and luckily there were no controversial decisions needed to be taken by Pearce the linesmen. Even the ref didn't know of the family connection until Stuart gave his brother a birthday present in the officials' changing room after the match. So Stuart didn't know his brother was officiating but just happened to have his birthday present with him. Mmmm...makes you wonder! Anyway the two brothers next met up on the pitch less controversial circumstances when Ray refereed his brothers testimonial match, Nottingham Forest v Newcastle in 1996.

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